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Nebraska Journal Herald Classified Ads
NJH Classified Ads showcases unique offerings from Nebraskans across the state, featuring goods and services that could only be found in Nebraska.
Wanted: Corn Whisperer - Must be able to communicate with corn fields in Omaha to predict when they'll make their best corn mazes. Experience with other vegetables a plus, but beware, the corn is very jealous. Apply with your best corn pun. Contact: CornMazeMaster@OmahaCornWhisper.net
For Sale: The Invisible Cow of Lancaster County - Proven to produce the most transparent milk in Lincoln, Nebraska. Ideal for those who want dairy without the calories. Comes with an equally invisible barn. Note: You'll need to guess where to milk it. Contact: InvisibleDairy@LincolnMilk.com
Seeking: Someone to Debate with Our Town's Only Traffic Light - In Kearney, must have patience and a good sense of humor. The light is very opinionated about when to turn green. Bonus if you can convince it to change for pedestrians too. Contact: TrafficDebater@KearneySignals.org
Trade: One Haunted Tractor for a Slightly Used Tornado - From Grand Island, tractor only haunts on the full moon, making night plowing an adventure. Looking for a tornado that promises to clean up after itself. Must be house-trained. Contact: GhostlyTractor@GrandIslandTrades.com
Lost: The Echo of Last Year's State Fair - In North Platte, last heard around the Ferris wheel, repeating "More cotton candy!" indefinitely. If found, please shout back "Only if you share!" to confirm identity. Reward: A lifetime pass to next year's fair, provided you can find the echo. Contact: EchoFinder@NorthPlatteFair.net
Wanted: Wind Chaser - Sutherland is looking for someone brave enough to capture the elusive, silent wind that plays hide and seek through our streets. Bring your own butterfly net. Contact: SilentWind@ChaseTheBreeze.org
Seeking: Tumbleweed Translator - In Wauneta, we need someone who can interpret the symphony of singing tumbleweeds. Must be fluent in tumble-ese. Apply with your best desert ballad. Contact: TumbleTunes@WaunetaWhisperWinds.com
Trade: Ghostly Cattle Drive for a Star Map - From Hayes Center, trade our spectral herd that only appears on moonlit nights for a map to the stars. Must be an authentic map to the Milky Way's hidden corners. Contact: MoonlitCattle@HayesCelestial.com
Wanted: Prairie Dog Interpreter - Benkelman's prairie dogs are planning something big, and we need someone to find out what. Must be able to mimic their calls convincingly. Apply with your best animal impression. Contact: PrairieTalk@BenkelmanWildLife.net
For Sale: Time-Traveling Tractor - This isn't your average plow; it's a time-traveling marvel from Oshkosh that can take you back to the 1867 Nebraska State Fair. Comes with a manual in Old English. Note: Might return you with a new accent. Contact: TimePlow@OshkoshOddities.com
Wanted: Someone to Catalog Our Cloud Shapes - In Stapleton, we've noticed our clouds form peculiar shapes, like dancing buffalo or flying tractors. We need a cataloguer brave enough to sketch these ephemeral art pieces. Must provide your own ladder. Contact: CloudWatcher@StapletonSkies.net
Wanted: A Professional Sandhill Crane Whisperer - Every spring, the Sandhill Cranes make an incredible stopover in Burwell, and we need someone who can communicate with them to plan the annual Crane Dance Festival. Must be fluent in Craneese, with a bonus for those who can mimic their dance. Contact: CraneChatter@BurwellFestivals.org
For Sale: World's Only Square Corn - Grown in the shadow of the world-famous Cornhenge in Goehner, NE. Perfect for those who like their corn with edges. Contact Farmer Bob at 402-HUSK-CORN.
Wanted: Someone to Talk to Our Singing Tumbleweeds - In Wauneta, NE, they've got tumbleweeds that hum Nebraska's state song. Need a person who can teach them new tunes. Call 402-WHEED-SING.
Trade: One Ghostly Cattle Drive for Your Unused UFO Sighting - From the haunted plains of Hayes Center, NE, we offer a spectral cattle drive that only appears under a full moon. Trade for your documentary evidence of extraterrestrial visitors. Email: GhostlyCattle@NebRanch.com
Lost: The Silent Wind of Sutherland - Last seen not making a sound in Sutherland, NE. If you find this silent breeze, please whisper to it and call 402-WIND-QUIET for a reward of one homemade wind chime.
For Hire: Professional Prairie Dog Whistler - In Benkelman, NE, we've got a job for someone who can mimic prairie dog calls to organize neighborhood rodent meetings. Contact Whistler Willy at 402-PRAI-WHIS.
For Sale: Enchanted Corncob Whispering Bench - Sit on this magical bench in Goehner, and the corn will whisper secrets of the harvest moon. Great for those who love nature's gossip. Contact: CornSecrets@GoehnerGardens.net
Wanted: Echo Collector - We've got too many echoes in Dannebrog, especially from the old Danish bakery. If you can capture these sounds in a bottle, they're yours. Bring your own soundproof jar. Contact: EchoGatherer@DannebrogEchoes.net
Trade: One Invisible Bridge for a Real Rainbow - Over the Sandhills, there's an invisible bridge in Merna used by local gnomes. Trade for a rainbow that doesn't fade after the rain. Must be certified by a leprechaun. Contact: InvisibleCrossings@MernaMystical.com
For Sale: Whispering Willow - This willow tree in Beaver Crossing whispers lullabies to the beavers at night. It's said to grant one wish per lunar cycle. Comes with a hammock for dream listening. Contact: WhisperingTree@BeaverCrossingDreams.org
For Sale: One Slightly Used Tornado Whistle - This whistle from Cambridge doesn't just call dogs; it summons gentle tornadoes for cleaning your yard. Wind speed adjustable. Comes with a disclaimer: "Use with caution; tornadoes might take your socks." Contact: TornadoTunes@CambridgeTwisters.com
Seeking: Someone to Befriend Our Lonely Ghost - Our town ghost in Litchfield is tired of scaring people and just wants a friend. Must be good at playing hide and seek. Benefits include night-time stories and an eerie chill. Contact: GhostlyFriend@LitchfieldHaunts.com
For Sale: Magic Jar of Nebraska Moonlight - Captured during the Harvest Moon, this jar from Loomis holds the essence of Nebraska nights. Pour some out to make any moment feel like a summer night in the Plains. Warning: May cause sudden cravings for pie. Contact: MoonlightJar@LoomisLights.com